Track By Tracks: Painthing - Where Are You Now...? (2018)

1. BETWEEN:

Our life, however sometimes difficult, is ours indeed. That’s why it’s us who take whole responsibility for it and it’s us, who pay all the price for wrong decisions. 

People around us tend to share their visions of how we ought to live, use to give advice even if we don’t ask for it.

They know better.

Yeah...

Bullshit – isn’t it?

On the other hand, sometimes they may be right, and such thought comes to us especially when we are in doubt or we fucked something up.

The truth is that we never know...

But what we know for sure is that no one will live our lives instead of us. So our decisions are always right, even if we make mistakes, they are our mistakes.

2. THE WIDOW AND THE KING:

I remember the first time I visited a hospice – place that provides end-of-life care for patients who cannot be cared for at home.

Loneliness and sorrow were the first impressions I got.

The conditions there were really good, as the hospice was quite expensive.

Someone who paid for that probably was rich enough to provide the best care for the patients.

Mainly there were children, paying for their parents.

One lady which I spoke with, told me that she was grateful to her son, who placed her in such a good place, after her husband died.

He pays the fee, visits her once per 3-4 weeks and for sure he would like to see her more often, but he’s a very busy man of success.

I believe that the lady was truly proud of her son.

But the sadness in her eyes was much more convincing than everything she had said...

3. BUZZ AND MADNESS:

Kings and queens of life. Almighty gods of pleasure and joy reaching the edge of buzz and madness. How many of them are the ones who try to cure their pain behind the mask of temporary happiness? Cure with drugs, alcohol, instant pleasures and everything what may help them to disconnect from the suffering they feel every day.

Too many...

At the end of the day, they become patients of hospitals, drug treatment clinics or even psychiatric wards. Dependent on medicines and other people. Sick and helpless. They wait for death - abandoned and miserable. But once, they were kings of life...

4. THE SHELL I LIVE IN:

Do you remember the guy from Metallica’s video „One”? Sometimes that picture comes back to me in flashbacks.

Our life is our primal right.

The same is death.

It’s one of my deepest fears, to be in the situation when I suffer constantly, beyond the limit, without any hope to recover and don’t have even the possibility to die.

Denying the right to decide about it’s own death while the person feels constant pain, in the name of humanity, Law, God or whatever it is... is inhuman.

5. PSYCHOSIS 4:48

The last drama of Sarah Kane, before she died committing suicide. The diary of her last days of life, filled with mental illness, suffering and loneliness.

4:48 am, when she used to wake up in the state of deep depression. This song is based on the drama of Sarah Kane and includes the part of her monologue. The lyrics compiles this original monologue with our vision of it, to embrace the short, but holistic form.

The music reflects the psychotic vein and growing madness. One of the most moving drama performances I have ever seen and the real, although poetic footage of the pure tragedy of human being.

6. ONLY DEATH WILL DIVIDE US:

The story of relation so strong that may be ended only by death. The first thought that usually comes to mind is about relation of pure love or friendship able to survive everything what may happen in life.

Nevertheless – life gives much more options. This relation is strong indeed, but in a twisted way.

Humiliation, loneliness, disappointment, hatred... 

So frequently people live together only because they are dependent on themselves. Sometimes the dependence lays only on one side and it opens an area for abasement. All positive feelings are dying in a slow agony, day by day, but for some reason there’s no way out from this toxic relation.

It may happen that the last act of dignity or independence is suicidal death.

7. TO LIVE IS TO FIGHT:

Life is a journey.

Each of us experiences this journey differently, in a very personal way.

And this journey is not easy.

Even if you have loving people around, you are always facing your fears, emotions or pain alone.

You need to stand for this struggle solitarily.

It doesn’t matter who you are – if you consider yourself as strong or weak – it’s always you, who wins or

is defeated in those battles.

Constant fight until you die.

The good news is that if you are still alive, it means you are on the winning position...

8. SO BE IT:

This entire album is about fears.

The feelings and emotions we are afraid of.

The tragedies and experiences that we even don’t want to think about.

In music, we can face them. Not literally of course, but can try to imagine the hypothetical situation, sip the taste of tragedy we wouldn’t like to experience to tame the fear that dwells inside.

Obviously it won’t prepare us to anything, but some of us will take advantage of this illusion somehow.

Sometimes we are not able to avoid the misery and the only thing we can do is to accept the burden and move on.

Even if it seems to be impossible...